Hey, I'm back!! Yep, it's been a long haul but here I am. The video below pretty much tells my story. I love it, it's on the Disney "Incrdibles" DVD. I showed it to my seminary students a couple of years ago when I talked about Job (I always want to put an "e" on the end of that). My favorite part is when the little sheep does his naked pose at the end.....work it!
This last year had put me in the puddle all naked. But, fortunately, I found my bound! The main problem has been our wonderful new son Derrick, yep, he's come with a lot of emotional baggage and has been more work than we anticipated. I won't bore you with details but they've involved, poop, throw-up, lying, flushing things down toilets, yelling, ohhh...the list goes on. I finally figured out that he has Reactive Attachment Disorder and so now we have him working with a therapist on that....hope it helps!!! In addition to that....my year just seems to be jinxed at every turn, I lose things, ruin things, forget things...you name it!! What a disaster!!
The spiritual discoveries
(boring - so don't feel like you need to read) is that there are some things in life that we just need to go through alone.
Discovery #1 -- A few of months ago in Relief Society, a sister who just had a baby stood up to express her thanks to everyone for all the phone calls and suport she's received. I pondered that and thought...hmmm...I remember those days of having support and help when I would go through changes like having babies, moving, aruguing with hubby, saving money, etc. They were things that were very common experiences with others. And so lots of people had opinions and ideas to share, and they just knew how to help. But, there are some things that aren't that common and so no one really knows what to do or is even remotely aware of the struggles and needs you may have. It doesn't matter if I let someone know I'm struggling, they just can't seem to get it enough to help me and I just appear to be a loser...It's just so dang lonely and tiring. It's nobody's fault...it's just the way it is. But I found that it's okay because it forces me to REALLY work on my relationship with my Savior and become very close to Him. That's hard sometimes because Satan tries real hard on me to focus on being alone. But, as I kept plodding along, I got to feel my Savior's love and companionship more than ever. And as an added bonus....I got to show how dang smart I really am! Yet, I had more to learn....discovery #1 only leads into my discovery #2. (I'm so dense, I can't seem to figure it all out in one step)
Discovery #2 -- A couple of months ago I stood to share my testimony in church. I just briefly mentioned that I've had a really hard year and then expressed my testimony of the scriptures and how reading them has helped me more than I could imagine. After the testimony meeting, I was simply surprised by the amount of people who came up to me and commented on my testimony and wanted to comfort me. As the day progressed, I started to feel really stupid about my saying I had a hard year....you see...the people who were coming up to me had greater trials than I did....2 of them had just gone through a divorce with their spouse, 1 had experienced a daughter who got pregnant out of wedlock, 2 were people who had children who were seriously rebelling, 1 was a woman who just lost her mother in a tragic car accident and 1 was a mother who had a special needs child. At first I thought, stupid Julie...Heavenly Father is trying to teach me that I don't have it that bad. But, then, as time went on, I realized that He wasn't belittling my trial....instead, he showed me the wonderful gift that comes from our trials. I think of the beatitudes of 'morn with those that morn' and 'comfort those that stand in need of comfort'. You see, the only people who came up to me that day and naturally sensed my need were people who had the "odd man out" trials...those that are not common among others and so are very lonely. These people had a special gift of the spirit and had the Christlike empathy from their personal experience to recognize and reach out....to morn with me and comfort me. What wonderful love I felt from them. It didn't feel like a slap on that back and an "Oh, you'll get through". It was as though they had spiritual water for me. They had a tenderness in their eyes, a quite respect and reverence. It really was an eye opener that we don't just feel our Savior's love during these times, but we BECOME like Him. We are given the greatest spiritual gift of all...Charity.
These "lonely" trials seem to be the biggest tests for me. I tend to communicate better with people that I can hear and touch rather than the simple whisperings of the spirit. What's Heavenly Father saying???? Plus...I also know during these times that Heavenly Father will sometimes just sit on the sidelines...rooting me on...but leaving me alone, knowing I can do it. Those are tough!! Worth it, but still tough :) I think I'm better now, more at peace with myself, more confident in my abilities, more loving and empathetic toward others......well, at least until the next time I'm thrown out naked, but I know to just keep boundin :)
